Odisseus’ Mom

It’s been almost 4 weeks since the study break has coming. Actually though it is a study break or recess, we are here quite busy reading, writing, and preparing our research paper. Some of us are leaving to collect the data, do the survey needed for their paper, visit their family and relief some yearning, and some (including me) are staying here, try to manage themselves to be able to concentrate with the paper, data, and so many mixed feelings.

Being stay here, which it was made based on my consideration to be able to focus and use my time efficiently on my research, really requires my own commitment in working seriously on the paper. I meet my supervisor regularly once a week, talk about the kind of model and data I may use. But surprisingly, I’m still not be able to write anything yet since my research design at late July. I just don’t know why, I still feel like I have to read and understand first all those things before I can start to write something for my paper. Yes, I can’t deny that sometimes I just feel like disoriented, stressed, and puzzled by those things, and thus start to feel like I don’t know where to go next, what to start first, and eventually don’t want to do anything have connection with my theses. When these feelings comes I just prefer to do another things such as swimming at weekend, going for a movie at the cinema, shopping at open market, cooking, etc.

Sometimes no matter how hard I try to escape for a while from my work, I just can’t forget about it. The image of working on my theses keep flying around in my mind, makes me hard to have proper sleep. Sometimes I feel, even two weeks has already felt like eternity when we are stuck with something. Still, on those desperate and hard times, I feel like “the lights” keep shining on me, which makes me preserve my motivation to at least read the journals and books (though only for few pages).

Today, after two weeks of writing nothing and giving myself a peace and time to think properly without rush for my research, I had a feeling like “I have to start writing now”. Thank God, today I could finish my Chapter 1 and now I’m working on my Chapter 2. Though some of us perhaps have already been working on their Chapter 3, I feel like, “Oke, so what?” I have set my own pace and I am going to work for it as my schedule.  I have started to work on my data couple of weeks ago, it’s still undone yet but at least I already have something in my mind to figure it out, to make it work for my research paper. Luckily, the supervisor here is very welcome, almost everytime. Anytime, I feel like stuck and have a bunch of questions in my head, I just feel relief that I can always discuss it with my supervisor. Not to mention that my husband has always been there for me to support and give me strength everytime I feel desperate. The thought of coming home to my dearest sweethearts has also pumped me some energy to be tough and patient in coping with these times.

Now, I have set one week to work for my Chapter 2, I do hope and pray to Allah SWT for me having a strength, will, and quite an endurance in dealing with my theses. Ya Allah, please keep “the lights” shining on me, because I am going to start it now….